Ebb and flow

At many times in the last 8ish years, I've thought that things were about to calm down, that at some point in the somewhat near future, things would settle and I would have time to get used to life. First it was, "wow, pretty soon I'll get used to being away from my parents' home and used to living on my own (whether that be college or beyond", next it was, "pretty soon, I'll be used to college classes and not having a very strict, set schedule like high school," "pretty soon I'll be used to be a college grad and living on my own", "pretty soon I'll get used to having a real, grown-up job," "pretty soon I'll get used to the stress that I feel from this job and start feeling used to it and not feel like I'm just barely keeping my head above water," "pretty soon I'll get used to NOT living on my own but living with the love of my life and two dogs."

Lately, I've realized that it was a lot easier to feel calm and settled as a kid. I moved once prior to graduating high school and moving to college. Since then, I have yet to live in one dwelling for longer than a school year. I did think that two years ago would be my craziest year and that at least by comparison, it would settle and give me the illusion of calm. As a reminder, in 2009, I started grad school, in 2010 I graduated grad school, got a job, moved, started the job, met Joel, and fell in love with Joel. So far in 2012 (well, the decision was made in 2011) I've decided for sure that I would not be teaching after this year, decided that my next step is to go through a certified personal trainer course, started a course at University of Richmond to get certified, and later this year, I will get certified, officially leave my job, get married a week later, go on a honeymoon two weeks after that, and then two-ish weeks after that, my last teacher paycheck will come and in order to avoid going nuts and having another breakdown (what, you think deciding not to be a teacher after always identifying myself as a teacher was easy??), I have to assume that I'll get a job or jobs or some source of income. Even if I immediately have a job that starts when the last teacher paycheck comes, I'm not fooling myself to believe that means calm. Someday in the not so distant future, we're thinking about bringing little ones into the world and I know that means that for another 18+ years, there is no calm in my world.

And ya know what? I'm beginning to finally come to terms with that. I've seen my grandmother worry for my entire life about things changing, I've watched her try to control things, and I just don't want to follow in those footsteps. My grandparents currently own 11 acres of land out in the "country" where their closest neighbor is really not that close and the closest relative is an hour away. They decided this past Christmas would be their last in this house because they just can't take care of it anymore. On Christmas Day, my grandfather gifted his three grandsons each with one of the rings that my grandmother had gifted him over the years. Even though my grandfather's arthritic fingers had been unable to wear them for years, this was clearly an emotional moment for my grandfather. My grandmother literally yelled at him for getting emotional. When you try to control other people's emotions, I think it's gone a bit too far. I love my grandma and always will, there are just some things I've learned from her to try to enjoy life. Letting things go and taking life as it throws things at me is the way to go. It's going to be ok, no matter what. Right now, I know what I can't do is continue to be unhappy, stressed, and overwhelmed in a job that I know will never change for me. So I've taken steps to fix it because the answer is not to quit my job and sit around and hope that by some grace of God we'll be able to live on one income. But I am by no means attempting to control the end outcome of this situation because even I don't know what that outcome will look like.

I started writing this because I've completed two of my five personal training course classes. I decided that if this is where I'm headed in my life, to train others, that I should go through the experience myself. Tonight, I met with a personal trainer. At first, I told the people at the gym that I would prefer a female trainer, but when told there was a male personal trainer available for consult this evening, I took it. Let's just say I learned a lot about how not to treat a client/potential client. There have been a lot of words here so far so let's turn this into a list.

What not to do as a personal trainer:

1) Ask your client what their goal is and then progressively add more and more weight to their weight-loss goal.
2) Repeatedly call your client overweight when they're not (check that BMI chart, it may not mean everything, but it does mean something) and their main goal was to tone up, which you'd know if you listened. At all. Ever.
3) Ask your client if they have any "other overweight" friends that might want to train with them.
4) Invite yourself to your client's wedding the first time you meet them
5) Tell your client that they've been doing something wrong after they've done it wrong multiple times and you're trying to do a test on them. Tell them that the other tests looked good but not that one because you did it wrong.
6) Don't find out where your client is coming from exercise-wise. Just because they may not be working out currently, doesn't mean they're a complete idiot and that they've never exercised. Maybe your client even mention something about working out at one point, which you'd know if you listened. At all. Ever.
7) Don't find out where your client is nutrition-wise. Maybe they're already eating healthfully or maybe they don't want your nutrition advice because they realize you're a personal trainer and not a nutritionist. Not that you'd know anything about their nutrition because you didn't bother asking a thing about that and she wasn't going to offer any information up because she's saving her breath for someone who might listen to her. At all. Ever.
8) Talk to your client in a condescending tone.
9) Ask your client what metabolism is and when they give you the right answer, continue explaining it because you're so into talking to yourself that you're not listening. At all. Ever.
10) Forget your potential client's name about 50 times, despite writing it down several times, and not even attempting to figure it out before saying, "uhhhh" and giving a creepy grin with your missing tooth on the side. Ya know, like Harry from Home Alone after the gold tooth falls out.

Needless to say, I will not be giving you $150 a week, nor $100 a week, or even $50 a week. Or even $50. At all. Ever. I was looking for someone to motivate me, to help me, to coach me. Unfortunately, it looks like you motivated me to do it myself. And I'm not paying you for making me figure it out myself. Go use your Vegas tricks on someone else, someone who will believe your "course" from Vegas that I could probably Google and get the same crap from, someone who somehow gets off on being belittled and will sing your praises to high heaven when you help them meet their goals and will then invite you to their wedding and forget about their friends and family and toast to you and only you. I'll go be a guinea pig for one of my fellow students in my class who has had two sessions of learning what you supposedly are a professional at.